Attack on Titan One-Shots
by GreenPearl Atlantic Aries
Summary: Completely random and silly AoT one-shots! Genres vary from chapter to chapter. Some will have serious or depressing themes, while others will be completely goofy. Rated M for language.
1. Food Fight!

**A/N: Some characters may be OOC, don't say I didn't warn you, if you don't like it, don't worry, the next one has characters pretty well in character. Feel free to leave requests!**

Food Fight!

"Admit it, Jaegar," Jean teased. "Mikasa is love with me!"

"No she's _not, _Mikasa would never fall for a shit head like you!" Eren barked back.

Same story, different day. Everything at dinner began fine, save for a moody Sasha who was whining over the fact that no potatoes were being served with supper. The day's training was much easier than it normally was, more because he trainers wanted a break rather than giving the cadets a small reward.

"Are you really _that _stupid Jaegar? Nobody can resist me!" Jean said enthusiastically, grabbing his muscular biceps as he spoke.

"You seriously are clueless, horse-face." Eren growled, grabbing his dinner roll tightly. Before he could stop himself, he found himself pitching the roll like a baseball right for Jean's head. Jean leaned back just in time for the roll to pass by him and nail Sasha straight in the face.

Eren put a hand to his mouth as Sasha's eyes be to tear.

"Oh my gosh, Sasha, I'm so sorry! I meant to hit Jean, not you!" Eren apologized profusely.

Sasha slowly stood on her chair, reached down to grab the roll that had fallen to the floor and a handful of thick stew, and looked down at Eren wearing a mischievous smile.

"FOOD FIGHT!" Sasha screamed about the chattering crowd of scouts. Her two handfuls of food flew across the cafeteria, hitting Connie in the back of the head and Christa square in the face. In the blink of an eye, the entire room turned into a battlefield. Fist fulls of food were hurled from every direction, mostly hitting the floor, but occasionally hitting a few unlucky scouts.

Armin and Berthold slunk under their table with Armin's books covering their heads as Jean grabbed Eren's collar and pinned him to the table, covering the young titan shifter's back in brown slop. As the two rolled across the table, their friends stood back to back, covering each other from incoming shots.

The door to the cafeteria squeaked open and the room fell silent, all of the scouts freezing in place as Captain Levi entered the frenzy. Everyone dropped their food and held their breath, waiting for the captain to respond. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before calmly walking over to the table where Jean lay on top of Eren, a fist frozen mere centimeters from his bleeding face.

"What. Is. _This._" Levi growled, grabbing the two by their collars and heaving them to their feet.

Eren and Jean shared looks of both fear and hatred before pointing at the other and screaming: "IT WAS HIM!"

The room burst into laughter, but quickly quieted when Levi shot them a glare laced with poison. With that, the scouts stumbled out as quickly as they could before Levi could do any real damage. When the room cleared, Levi looked up at the boys.

"Jaegar, Kirstein," Levi began softly, "I don't care who started this…"

"But, Sir," Jean stuttered.

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BRAT! I JUST SAID THAT I DIDN'T CARE WHO STARTED IT," Levi roared, throwing two mops at the two cowering teens. "_BOTH _OF YOU ARE GOING TO CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT ACT! AND NEITHER OF YOU ARE GOING TO SLEEP UNTIL THIS PLACE IS COMPLETELY _SPOTLESS_!"


	2. My Ramen

Characters: Levi, Petra, Hanji

Genre: Humor

My Ramen…

Levi sat at his desk, buried up to his neck in paperwork. He massaged his temples with two fingers as he leaned forward over his bowl of ramen, allowing the steam to settle onto his face.

_Knock, knock._

"Come in." Levi called, sounding uninterested before taking a sip of the salty broth.

"Hello, Captain." Petra greeted with a huge smile. The scout bounced over to the desk, lifted the warm bowl from the captain's hands, and took a dainty sip before placing it back into his waiting hands. "Sorry for coming in so early, I know that our meeting was supposed to be an hour from now, but something came up."

"No worries," Levi said, gently placing his bowl down. "I was just on my lunch break, I wasn't doing anything important anyway." Petra smiled at his somewhat corny attempt at appearing uninterested.

_**BANG!**_ Petra jumped as Levi's office door flew open and a disheveled Hanji came running in, heading full speed across the room.

_Oh, no, Hanji, why now? Ugh, you stupid bitch._

"Captain! Captain! You wouldn't believe what I've discovered about Titan's regeneration abilities! _Ooh_, ramen!" Hanji rambled before grabbing the soup and slurping up the remaining liquid and noodles.

Levi cringed at the obnoxious sound. "Can this wait until _later_, you disgusting pig?" Levi growled. Hanji simply smiled and dropped the bowl carelessly onto the table.

"Of course, Sir, let me know when you're free and I'll come back and fill you in!" The spunky scientist turned around and skipped out of the office, slamming the door behind her.

Petra looked over to the short man, confused. Levi only shook his head. "What on Earth am I going to do with that freak of nature?"


	3. Is This a Good Time?

**A/N: This drabble was requested by boohbear19, I hope that you guys like it! I have another drabble already written, so I'll post that tomorrow. **

**WARNING: This is a lemon/lime with pretty detailed masturbation, if you don't like it or aren't old enough to read it, DON'T. You have been warned.**

The scent of bread and stew wafted through the Scout's headquarters. As soon as the Scout's caught a whiff of the hearty food, they darted to the dining area as quickly as possible.

Except for Eren.

Eren need to know he was alone so he could…er… "take care of business". So there he was, in the bathroom, pleasing himself before continuing with his training.

He wrapped his lips around his index finger and thumb, lathering them up with his warm saliva.

_Mikasa, Mikasa, Mikasa._

Moving his wet fingertips to his ear, he began softly massaging the tip in small, gentle circles, allowing his mind to wander.

_ Mikasa's tongue slid up the shell of his ear, leaving behind a thin trail of cool saliva that caused a chill of pleasure to run through his spine._

"_Oh, Mikasa, right there…" Eren groaned, his jaw going slack and breathing increasing._

Within seconds, the young titan-shifter was able to feel the hard tent rise in his pants. His head leaned back as the rosy blush spread across his cheeks. A shiver ran through his body as the cold bathroom air collided with his flushed skin.

Unconsciously, Eren's hand slid down his waist, past his hips, and to his hardened member. With cold, moist fingers, he began gently massaging the boner, softly stroking it before applying gentle pressure.

_ Mikasa knelt before Eren, clad in only her lacy black push-up bra and panties. Her grey-black eyes were fixed on Eren's member as if it were the most beautiful work of art she had ever seen. Her cold fingers against his heat were almost too much to bear._

"Mi-Mikasa, your fingers are so s-soft…" Eren stammered, biting the collar of his shirt as the pleasure increased.

_ She looked away from the member and right into his desperate turquoise eyes, a sassy grin crossing her ruby painted lips before planting a soft kiss on his slit, causing his hips to thrust. As Eren's stomach fluttered, a tickle blossomed in the back of his nose._

_ Mikasa rose and placed a finger under his twitching nose. His left eye flickered open, tears welling as his breath hitched madly, desperate to sneeze and release. _

"M-Mikasa…I-I caa_aaa_n't hold it ba-back for much l_o…_" Chest heaving, head leaned back, he was just about ready when he heard the door open, causing both of his eyes to pop open and dart to the doorway.

"Ca..Capta_i_…" Eren lunged over at the waist as the tickly sneeze ripped through him, allowing him to finally release into the toilet. He turned away from Levi, blushing and fumbling to pull up his pants. When he turned back around, the brunette was right in his face, and if he wasn't mistaken, and if he wasn't mistaken, he could swear that the man had a soft blush across his stern face.

The shorter man sighed, placing two fingers on his temples. "Okay you little shit, I don't care what you do in your free time, but make sure you _lock the door _next time."

Eren frantically nodded before scrambling out of the bathroom.

_Good thing Captain Levi heard that and not Mikasa._


	4. Just Be Cool

**A/N: I'm going to be writing some AoT CharacterxReader stories soon, and I've been having really bad blanks lately, so if you have any suggestions (characters, scenarios, genres, anything you think would make for a good story!), please let me know! I love to write requests! :D **

_Characters: Jean, Armin, some Eren_

_Genre: Humor_

**Just Be Cool**

Training today had been the same as it always was for the young cadets: fighting until your muscles cried, running until your feet bled, you know, the usual.

The trainees sat sprawled out in the lounge, some napping, some singing, but most were talking in small groups. Jean walking into the room drying his freshly washed hair with a fluffy towel, sitting down next to Armin who was reading a thick novel. He looked over the shorter boy's shoulder before snatching the book from his hands, startling the blond.

"Yo, Armin, why are you reading this nerdy thing?" Jean teased, shoving the book in Armin's face.

"What's so nerdy about a book? It's fascinating and allows you to dream about what life would be like beyond the walls." Armin retorted, grabbing the book back.

"Everything, Armin! Girls want guys that are tough and don't care about anything but having a rockin' body and impressing every chick he sees!" A few girls turned to them and snickered at Jean's speech.

"Where on Earth did you hear that? It's not true at all…"

"Do you want a girlfriend or not?!"

"Of course I do, but I still don't think…"

Jean sighed and grabbed Armin's wrist, bringing him to his feet. He stumbled a bit and dropped his book, but managed to keep from falling to the floor. "Come with me."

"W-Where are we going?" Armin tugged at Jean's iron grip to no avail.

"The bathroom, we're going to make you cool."

…

Armin and Jean stood in front of the full-length bathroom mirror, giving Armin a final once-over. Jean smirked and nodded in approval at Armin's sagging pants, messed up hair, and eyeliner. "Nailed it!" Jean herded Armin out of the small room and back down the hallway towards the lounge.

"Jean, where are we going?!" Armin half-whined, trying not to drip on his over-sized pants.

"We're going back down to the lounge to get some chicks' opinions on your new outfit." The boys barged through the lounge, scaring a few of the younger cadets.

"LADIES, what do you think of the new and improved Armin-bombastic?!" Sasha, Christa, and Mina looked over, hearts nearly stopping at the sight of the adorable wanna-be cool kid.

"OH MY GOSH HE IS SO CUTE!" The three girls shrieked in unison, rushing over and wrapping the shocked cadet in one giant hug.

"No, _no_, NO! He isn't _cute_, he's _cool_! Get it right."

Eren walked up the enthused group, a confused look on his face.

"Eren, tell them that Armin looks _cool_." Jean called out. Eren sighed, looking Armin up and down.

"Armin, why are you dressed liked this? You look like a complete and utter asshole."

"THAT'S IT!" Armin practically screamed, scaring all of the near-by cadets. He fixed his hair, pulled up his pants, and blindly wiped at his dark eyeliner. "These girls don't think I'm cool, they think I'm cute. Eren thinks I look like a jerk, and to be completely honest, this seriously just isn't me. So I'm DONE!" He threw up two fingers for peace. "ARMOUT!"

Jean's jaw dropped to the floor as Armin and Eren ditched him without another word.

_That's the last time I'm helping those losers…_


End file.
